You know how God sometimes speaks to you in a really weird way? Well, He does that to me a lot. One of the ways He does it is through music, and it’s not always through Christian music either. This leads me to believe that God is indeed a lover of more kinds of music than we believe, but that is a whole new other post to tackle.
Back on track…
I was at this point in my life where I thought I was in love with this guy, and I was asking God if he really was “the one” for me (he wasn’t).
The song that kept running through my mind during that time was one from Pocahontas. Just Around the River Bend. The song was sung by Pocahontas at a time when she was feeling the pressure to get married to a warrior in her tribe. She didn’t want to. She wanted a life of adventure. She knew that there was so much more in life to explore, and she didn’t want to get tied down to a man and deal with all the responsibilities of being a wife.
It spoke about the nature of rivers – some quiet, straight and steady, others loud, winding and rapid.
At the very end of the song, Pocahontas poses a question: “Should I marry Kocoum? Is all my dreaming at an end? Or do You still wait for me, Dream-Giver? Just around the river bend…”
I felt like I was at the same crossroad as her. That last question really struck a nerve with me.
Do You still wait for me, Dream-Giver?
There’ve been a lot of prophecies spoken about this season, about how God will restore the dreams we’ve forgotten from before, and how He wants to fulfill them.
How He wants to give us the desires of our heart.
I’m almost afraid to hold on to these promises – even if He’s spoken it over me time and again. That the dreams and desires of my heart come from Him. That He will be Strength in my weakness. That He will carry me through my wilderness and take me to my Promised Land.
I think most Christians can relate to me when I say that there have been promises I held on to, but didn’t see the fruition of.
A proverb says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
The years before 2015 have been seasons of hope deferred. Disappointment. Failure.
This year felt like a clean break. A year of promise and adventure. It will end soon.
I can’t help but wonder… Can I really dream? Am I allowed to? Should I? Can I really hope again? Won’t I be disappointed? Can I take that risk?
Do I have a choice?
I smile now.
I didn’t really have a choice between the steady river and the wild one. I’m currently swept away by the currents of life’s wild rivers.
This is my surrender.
I stand with arms high and heart abandoned.
In awe of the One Who gave it all.
I believe that You are waiting for me, Dream-Giver.
Just around the river bend.
*Disclaimer: Photos shown on this page are from the film, Pocahontas. The author does not own any of these images.