This was something I wrote four years ago, a time when I was undergoing a huge transition in my life. I was in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, and I was trying to figure out what I had to do with my life:
I posted this as a Facebook status: “When you take that first step into the unknown, you know that He won’t let you go.” It was a line from Britt Nicole’s song Walk on Water, the song that’s really speaking to me right now.
It wasn’t long after when my dad – who rarely ever comments on anything I post on Facebook – commented on that specific status. He said, “Hear and obey. Take the first step, look unto Him. He won’t let you go.”
I began crying.
You see… I’ve taken that first step and right now, I am completely terrified. There are big things ahead… and I know, I know that He can come through for me. But at this point, all I see are the waves threatening to crash over me. I feel the mighty winds fighting against me.
If it’s Britt Nicole’s Walk on Water that is encouraging me, it is Krystal Meyers’ Rescue Me that perfectly describes me right now.
“I’m taking fire. I’m feeling tired. I’m tired of this fight. I need to let You rescue me.”
I am found at my weakness and I am going against the current. Against the flow. At a time when everyone is talking about “riding the wave”.
And yet, I know that this is where He is leading me. And in spite of all the questions I have, in spite of the doubts that are nagging at me, at the core of me, I am convinced that this is what He wants. At the core of me, there is peace.
But the whole of me… knows full well that this isn’t going to be an easy journey and that’s what terrifies me. The pain of the breaking. The purifying, but painful, process of going through the fire.
Still… what can I do? There is nothing to do but to follow… and thus, here I am… groping my way through the unknown, trusting… trusting that I will see His Light shining through every step and at the end of this dark valley.
It’s been four years since that dark valley, and I’ve encountered many dark valleys in between, but I have found journeys into the unknown to be rewarding – if not necessary. The unknown isn’t comfortable. And neither is change.
But hope shines brightest in the midst of the unknown. I’ve learned to look up at the stars – and even become one – during the darkest of nights.
There is still so much about my life that is uncertain. Unsure. I’m beginning to be okay with that. I’m beginning to become at home in the unknown.
“Don’t you know that you’re right at home in the unknown? I’m already there. I’m already there with you.” – The Unknown, Anthem Lights