“If my world will never be the same, maybe one of these days, I’ll change.” ~ Changing, Chris August
It hit me one day – this one thought that niggled at me for weeks to come. A stray thought that managed to make a nest in my mind and penetrate my soul. The thought is this: I am not who I want to be.
As if that thought didn’t bother me enough, another one managed to cling on to that first thought: I am not who I am supposed to be.
I stared at my computer screen, where a game of Sims 3 was ongoing. I looked at my legacy’s current heir, Calysta. Beautiful, confident, the kind of person who looks at the world with rose-colored glasses. Positive. A ray of light to the people around her. She’s a sim. A non-existent character created out of my imagination and the magnificent work of whoever is behind the Sims franchise.
Then there was this: I didn’t want to keep playing or creating characters, while I remained a character that I didn’t like.
Three or four weeks later, here I am. A change in the making. Far from home, but right at home nonetheless. Once again giving in to wanderlust. Hopefully on the road to being someone I’ve always dreamed of being.
I am out of my comfort zone. To be honest, I’m rattled. Everything is unfamiliar. Everything is new. But in the short time I’ve been here in China, I’ve met people from five different continents. Doors have opened. Relationships have been forged. It’s a strange feeling to feel like you are among family, even though you are surrounded by acquaintances and strangers.
I miss my fictional characters – both virtual and penned. But I can’t say that I think about them too much – not when I’m in the process of becoming, not when I am on the road to become the non-fictional character I’ve always dreamed of becoming.