To people who follow me from my Facebook Author page, this post probably won’t make sense. This post is definitely geared more towards the people who’ve been reading my other blog, The Book of Karri, where I was known by the pseudonym, MM Simmerific or Em. 

    To those people, I am so grateful to you guys for the support and the kindness you’ve shown me and my story. It definitely filled a gap in my heart and challenged me in ways I never thought simlit was capable of doing. I’ll expand more on this later…

    But let’s back up a little…

    I started The Book of Karri in July of this year out of sheer boredom. I just returned home from China, went to Egypt and Israel for a couple of weeks, and then… nothing. I had no real clear direction regarding what to do. I released my first novel December of 2016, and let’s just say it’s been a tough journey getting the work out there, especially for someone like me who is quite an extreme introvert.

    I can say that I needed some sort of creative outlet, but I don’t think that’s it. I was looking for instant gratification, people assuring me that I was good and creative and that I can pull this dream off.

    I didn’t really plan for it to happen. I added RAM to my laptop, and my sister and I decided to play The Sims 3 one day we were bored. The game was really fast and enjoyable, so I started playing Karri, and… the rest, I guess, is history.

    When loladiamond of Never Do It Again discovered my story and shared it to other simlit writers, I knew I was sucked in. I really really loved the story I had plotted out for The Book of Karri. Writing it was a blast. But more than anything, it was the community that drew me in.

    I remembered what it was like when I was writing my simlit story back in 2014 (The Chronicles of Clarke), how fun it was, how creatively gratifying.

    However…

    I stopped writing The Chronicles of Clarke for reasons beyond my computer giving up on me. And it’s the same reason I stopped writing The Book of Karri. 

    I’m a Christian.

    And this may sound strange to those who aren’t (which most of my simlit readers don’t seem to be), but I knew in my heart of hearts – even very early on – that God was asking me to surrender The Book of Karri to Him. In fact, He was asking me to surrender the entirety of my writing dreams to Him.

    I want Jesus to be everything to me, and for a while there, He wasn’t. An atheist friend of mine once told me that I should never become an atheist, because my life would be meaningless if I ever stopped believing in God. I want to keep living my life that way – so defined by my faith, my walk with God.

    On the night I deleted The Book of Karri, I just came from a conference celebrating The Feast of Tabernacles. One of the speakers said something along these lines: “I’m speaking to someone right now. This is the time. No more willful compromise.” I want to live and die by the belief that I can hear my Shepherd’s voice, and I knew I had to delete the blog, which was extremely painful, especially since we’re at the point of the story where I felt like it was about to get really good.

    I was sobbing when I deleted The Book of Karri. I was sobbing right after. I was even telling God that “If You don’t exist, then I’m miserable right now for no reason. Does it even matter to You?” I didn’t think The Book of Karri would mean that much to me, but it did, mostly because of all the things it began to represent in my life. It filled areas of my life that was wrecked by frustration, hurt and my own foolish expectations.

    Even now, as I write this, I am teary-eyed, because the story and the community meant a lot to me. I wanted to have some sort of farewell post or something, explain why I was suddenly deleting the story, but I felt like I did that, I wouldn’t be able to follow through.

    When I deleted it, I thought that would be the end of it, and I would have to just deal with the agony of a story untold.

    Then sempreviva happened…

    One of my favorite simlit writers got worried and did some investigating. I’m still dumbfounded how she was able to trace my real identity down, but well, I’m relieved she did. (Seriously, girl, if you ever create a sim self, consider getting her the Computer Whiz trait or something like that.)

    At least I have this opportunity for closure.

    Sorry for just dropping off like that, guys…

    I really hope that knowing my real identity and what I stand for won’t make you step away from me. I understand if it changes your view of me, but I hope you’d still want to remain as online friends, because I certainly do. I’d still love to read your stories and give feedback, but no longer as Em, but as the actual me… Joanna. Certified Jesus Freak, whose personal beliefs may or may not be in line with the stands you take in your stories or even the themes I explored with mine (another reason I deleted it).

    If you still want me to follow your story, I’d be willing to, though I may not be as active as I was as Em. Just give my site a follow as a signal that you still want to hear from me. If you’d rather not hear from me, I’d totally understand. All that being said…

    Thank you!

    I never expected to find such a lovely and creative group of people when I first started The Book of Karri. 

    To Lila, I told you once that Fern has had an impact on me. I’m challenged to get back to trying  to be physically fit because of her. There was a particular line in that generation where you wrote about her entitlement and how she grew away from that, and those lines, girl… It felt like you were talking about me. You have such a creative hand at writing and quite an eye for beauty and art. I really do envy your talent in more ways than I can express!

    To Jowita, you’re like the simlit community’s glue or something. You effortlessly bring people together just by being encouraging and supportive of those who try their hand at simlit. You make the journey worthwhile, and in turn, it becomes such a delight to just get into your story and learn more about how that creative mind of yours works. You do love your tragedy, but I hope and pray your life becomes nothing like that of the characters in your stories. I wish you happiness, Jowita, because you’ve brought so much of that to me.

    To Kymber, you know what I think about your story and writing. I think my comments and my now non-existent review has expressed so much how excellent I believe both are. More than any of that, I appreciate your humility. I never once got a sense from you that you thought yourself as better than others, and it takes character to not let these things get into your head. You’re always so kind and encouraging and even if you have a story (and uber skills) that you could totally hold over a lot of us, you never did. You always kept your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground. I admire that.

    To Louise (notjustabook), I felt like I lied by omission when I didn’t immediately say that it’s not the first time I encountered you or your writing, because I was pretty involved with your stories when I was still writing The Chronicles of Clarke as Ivane. Sorry about that. I’ve always loved your storytelling, writing and overall creativity. I always will. I’d still be following A Monte Vista Story as well as your other story. No questions asked. Again, I apologize. I could only hope to be as good a writer and storyteller as you are.

    To Amy Queen, I really still want an ending to Broken. Haha… Your stories remind me of a lot of the ideas and storylines that I used to be really drawn to when I was younger. I love that you explored those lines, but I also think you are capable of so much more and so much better. I love how you create worlds in your mind and how you develop characters. I’m sure Sight will be amazing. I’m looking forward to where you’ll take it.

    To sempreviva, of all the simlit writers I’ve encountered, it’s you that felt a lot like a kindred spirit. More than once, I considered reaching out to you to ask if you’d like to beta read for each other or maybe even collaborate on a story line. I never did do it, because I wasn’t sure you’d want to. But yes… I really felt like we could be really good friends. I still hope we could. Thank you again for caring enough to reach out, for being just that kind of person who cares deeply. I love that empathy. It’s rare nowadays to find people who care enough to do something about it. You amaze me in more ways than one.

    To Kater Creation, I love your characters and images. I admire your strength. You are in my prayers. 🙂

    To fluffymao, I can’t even! The Mayfields has been such fun to read, and I was actually reading it while I was in that conference I was talking about. I’m still gonna continue reading with or without your permission. Mostly because I really want to know what happens. Really so grateful that sempreviva found me, because uhm… At least I can comment as Joanna.

    To SimmeraldOtter, it was such a treat when you started reading and commenting on the story. I still end up in an accounting site written in Polish when I try to visit your blog, but I think I can read it through reader. I was gonna jump over to your story right after reading The Mayfields and Set Apart. I’d still love to do that if you want me to.

    To raymondsanti, Trip, Kate Loewe, The Fairwood Legacy, gccatsims, the author of The Grey Witches (can’t quite remember your username), thank you for the comments, the likes, the indications that I’m not alone in putting the story out to this world.

    Whew!

    That felt like I’m about to die, and I just wrote a farewell speech or something… Again, I’m sorry for all the secrecy and what-not. I really felt hypocritical talking about authenticity and representing myself in a completely different way as Em.

    At least now, I can really be authentic. Out of hiding.

    Conclusion

    If you’re interested in finding out where The Book of Karri would’ve gone, I can create a special post here that tells where the story was headed, as well as answers why Karri was an anomaly. I can also include links there to the downloadable objects I created for Never Do It Again, Noble Doubt & Smoke ‘n’ Roses. I will also eventually include an object download for The Kingston Legacy, which I totally adored.

    Let me know in the comments below if you’re interested enough to know. 🙂

    Again, thank you. And sorry. And…

    Hi! I’m Joanna.

    For real this time.
    I’d love to be your friend if you want to be mine. 🙂

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    Joanna Alonzo

    Author/Founder at Almond Tree Publications
    Joanna Alonzo is a walking paradox. She is a beautiful, albeit messy, mixture of thought and emotion, expressed in the form of hopefully readable – and relatable – stories. She is a kingdom kid, who looks forward to being a writer and storyteller even when she reaches heaven. She is passionate about the unreached, about those who have yet to know the Love she found in the arms of the Almighty. She is intrigued by the world and its people, who day by day, continue to convince her that God is the greatest Storyteller of all.
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36 Comments on "Confessions of a Simmer: Why I Deleted My Simlit Blog"

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Member

Oh my… I’m actually at work right now – reading you post, so I guess I’m not reeeally working lol – and try so hard to not cry..! You really got me all emotional, hehe! Of course I think of you as a good friend! I really meant that you made an impact, I found myself looking forward for your comments every time I posted (I’ll still be so happy to receive them)! I felt too, like you said that you were a kindred spirit, and I am so glad you thought the same thing too! ^_^
(Oh, and I still want to know everything about The Book of Karri, so I’ll be more than happy to read about it! ^_^)

Member

Whaaat?! I love those! I played an excellent one about a year ago which was called “Along the Edge”, it was awesome! Although I love adventure games as well <3
I thought of doing something like that (and that's one of the reasons I started reading/writing simlit too)! Mind blown, lol! (for some reason I can't reply to your last message, so I'll post a new one, hope that's ok)

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[…] very happy to share MM Simmerific’s post with you, which explains everything about her decision to erase her site, and which she kindly […]

Kater Creation
Guest

Joanna,

I am happy that you are okay and you didn’t get hack!! (I was worried…very worried) I would like to still follow you and read anything you post. 🙂

Also you are amazing writer. Please never give up on writing. 🙂

Thank you!! *Hugs*

trackback

[…] reading Joanna post. I want to share some information about myself. Where I come from and who am […]

RosemaryMarie
Guest

Hi, Joanna. It’s Kymber and I’m a Christian, too. lol I’m so glad you wrote this, my friend. I really was puzzled because I was just going over your interview when suddenly, I realized your blog was gone. But that doesn’t matter. What matters most is that you are true to yourself and you follow God’s will.

I know how horrible that had to be to delete everything. But again, the important thing is you and how you are doing. I’m glad you’ve done what you needed to do and I stand behind you all the way.

I also consider you a good friend and I’ll tell you something… I admire YOU. 🙂 <3

I realize now, I followed your other blog and am not sure how to follow this one, so I signed up for the newsletter! As for your book, I wish you all the success in the world.

Oh! And I almost forgot! Yes, I really need to know how your story went because, girl, I needs to know! LOL

Kate Loewe
Guest

Hello, Joanna!

It’s finally nice to meet you! I’m so glad to hear that you’re okay! It’s always a relief to hear that someone who suddenly disappears without a trace is fine, especially when you think of what’s going on in this beautiful world we live in… I felt worried for you without even knowing you. Wait. Scratch that out – I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE IVANE!!! I had been reading Ava’s story over at your other SimLit site and than one day…pouf! It was gone! I was coming back every now and then to check if the blog was still down and have never really gotten a closure with the Chronicles of Clarke. I’m so glad I finally know why it no longer exists!!! I’ve also got comments from you over at my blog from the times when you used to comment as brainofivane. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. MINDBLOWN!

Good luck with your book projects and I hope you can come back to finish reading the story you’ve started as Ivane.
P.S. I think you might like Life is Strange. It’s a choice driven game with an amazing story and great soundtrack and very talented voice actors and graphics and… the best game I’ve played in years (after the Witcher, of course).

<3

Kate

SimmeraldOtter
Guest

I’m so glad you weren’t hacked and that you’re doing alright! That’s all that matters 😊 Yeah I’m not sure about the polish site but thank you so much for the comment! I would love to be online friends with you and I will definitely continue reading your stories ❤️

Lila Remonn
Guest
Hi, Joanna! 💗 Firstly, I am so so so happy to have found you safe and sound! I’m still not sure how Sempreviva managed to find you (definite computer whiz!) but I cannot express how much relief I felt when she did. By the way, please don’t feel bad about going under a different identity. Most of us do, at least to some extent; this isn’t my real name and I’m sure it’s the same for many others, for privacy precautions. Secondly, I have to be honest and say that I was shocked when I read this post- as you probably picked up, I am a total atheist… I don’t think I will ever be able to fully understand what you are talking about. But as someone who has grown up around Christianity, I can see how much this really means to you; the emotion in this post brought genuine tears to my eyes (plus hearing from you again). And I can see that you are a truly wonderful person 💕 I really mean it when I say you’ve been such an amazing, 100% positive addition to our little community! Agreeing with Sempreviva, I found myself really looking forward to your amazing chapters and comments. I’ve never met such an insightful reader, and you’ve really changed my perspective on my story- you’ve had a big influence on what will happen in the future. I’m really glad, too, that Fern has inspired you to get fit! Thank you so much for your kind words, both now and every time before ♥️ Long story short, no matter how much our religious beliefs differ, I would love to be the authentic Joanna’s friend, not just Em’s! It would be epic to talk to you again, I would really miss you if I didn’t~… Read more »
Lila Remonn
Guest

One more thing… I feel a bit silly asking this question, but how do I follow your site? >o<

RosemaryMarie
Guest

I tried to reply but for some reason, nothing happened when i hit the reply button. LOL Anyway, your speculations are always very perceptive, I must say. 🙂

I also wanted to say that I agree with Lila when she said that most of us use a different name. Mine came about by accident, but now I call it my pseudonym. LOL Sims 3 was the first sims game I ever played and when I signed up and it asked what I wanted to be called, I put in “Rosemary” but it wouldn’t taken it. So I added Marie to the end. I had no idea what the name was even for and figured I could change it later… but yeah, you can’t. LOLOL So, there you have it. 😛

Member

I can’t say I completely understand the reasons behind deleting The Book Of Karri, but I find your sacrifice admirable. Thank you for saying such sweet things about me. Kymber is truly a humble person, I’m not at all surprised that she used to be a nurse.
I hope I can still keep in touch with you and be your friend. Tell us all about what was in store for your story that I’m very gutted will not be continued.

Member
Hey Joanna! Testing… testing… 1,2,3 Well, it appears as though I shall be able to post at long last, haha! Thanks for helping me get all that sorted – I felt quite un-techsavy at my failure XD I read this shortly after sempreviva shared it and was relieved to see you were ok, but as I was at work, I didn’t want to post a short hasty response, so I needed to wait until the weekend to make sure I got the chance to say all that I wanted to. (That is my little explanation as to why this post was delayed~ well, that, and the fact I was accused of being a bot, lol) First off, I shall reiterate that it’s a relief to know that your disappearance was completely intentional and that you are alright. The most important thing is that you are happy and healthy! You are a phenomenal writer, so I’m not surprised to see that you are a published author 😀 And while I was so sad to see that your story was taken down (especially since I was working my way through gen 2 and had so many questions I wanted answered) I respect your decision. Something interesting you wrote is that you don’t think most of the other simlit readers/writers are Christian, and I’m curious as to what made you draw that conclusion. I also write my stories as a means of creative outlet and all of your comments were full of a voice that was so distinct and genuine which I very much appreciated and enjoyed reading, and would be delighted to keep reading in the future~ Thank you for your kind words <3 I would still love to keep up with you and would also love to find out where you… Read more »
Member

I’m glad you’re doing okay! I was worried that something had happened.

I really don’t have much to say since I don’t know you very well, but I’m speaking honestly when I say that the Book of Karri was a fantastic read. You’re an amazing writer, and I’m sure your talent will take you far.

I wish you well on your journey, wherever it may take you.

Member
I can’t say I completely understand your reasons for doing what you did, but those are your reasons and the rest of us will just simply have to accept them. Someday, I wonder if you might elaborate more, but no need if you don’t wish to. I’m just curious about these “compromises” you mentioned. Pay me no mind, I’m just too nosy for my own good. 😉 Maybe I’ll discover more when I see what else you’ve got here. But as I was, once again, late to the party, I figured I’d comment first and browse about after. You’re clearly a passionate person, to stick so hard to your beliefs to follow through with what you believe you must do, even when it hurts so. I don’t understand it, but I find that follow-through admirable. It takes a brave soul to stand by their convictions so thoroughly. And you are brave. Even with that bravery and passion, I’m glad you decided to come out to us. Losing a friend is always such a sad circumstance. While finding a friend thought to be lost is cause for celebration! I think we all owe sempreviva something. She’d better add Perceptive to those traits, as well! 😉 And “with or without” my permission? 😉 By all means, read away! I’d welcome your critique and always insightful comments! I may disagree with your passions, but I will stand and defend your right to such faith. You should never feel ashamed or threatened by what you believe or what you are. You’re a Christian and I’m not, but I don’t see why that means we can’t be friends! I look forward to learning more about you! 😀 Loading...
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