My mind is in serious overdrive.
Ever since I got the “go!” from my parents to go back to Baguio for good, my mind has whirled with musing after musing of what I want to do. It’s like I’ve been caged in this urban lifestyle and the thought of going back home is somehow my idea of freedom. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I could make anything happen. I’m not stuck in the corporate bubble living the routine that I’ve fallen into over the past 4 years.
And yet, somewhere in my mind’s overdriven chaos, is the sheer awareness that if I’m to survive the next few months, I need to hear from Him more than anything.
January 13 will be my last day at work. I can only wish Sandstone and my teammates the best. The company that I’ve worked for over the past 2 and a half years will be in my prayers and I do pray that the company prospers even more so than it is doing now.
January 14… I’ll be moving back home. I’ll spend a week there until my 25th birthday and then I plan to pack up my bags again (if I’ve already unpacked them) to go on a 40-day personal retreat in our church at Sinipsip, Buguias, Benguet.
Mostly, that’s what I’m excited about, because that 40-day retreat is something that I am certain is a direction from the Lord. My heart is expectant that I will encounter Him there during that period of prayer and fasting. And hopefully, it will be a welcome calm in the midst of the chaos that my soul has been going through over the past months.
I really do need to hear from Him. And I’ve reached the point of desperation.
So I said, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.
Indeed, I would wander off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah.
I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.”
Sinipsip probably won’t count as a wilderness, but it’s as wilderness as wilderness gets for a Facebook-oriented, too-techie-to-function, media-crazed city girl like me. I am holding on to one of the constant messages that I’ve been receiving from Him over the past months:
Therefore, I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her
My heart is full of expectation… hoping, praying, longing… that I will encounter Him there and once I do, His work of transformation will continue in me and through me.