There’s no describing what it’s like, what this feels.

    It’s always unnerving for me when I can’t seem to put into words what I feel inside. It gets bottled up within and I find myself unable to contain it, but there’s no way to articulate it, so I just wait… wait until I break, until the walls cave in, until the emotions spill over and find some form of meaning – perhaps through a written piece of work or maybe through the unspoken message of a good, heartfelt cry.

    No one seems to understand and even as I write this, I am afraid to post it, afraid of being chastised (again) for being too melancholic, too emotional.

    How can you tell a melancholic to stop being emotional? It’s like asking me to stop being me.

    I can’t explain it. All I know is I’m broken, so broken inside, and I’m putting up a happy front, but I’m breaking apart at the seams. And my resolve is weakening daily. And I’m trying to hold on… trying with all the fight that’s left in me. Perhaps I should stop trying. I should yield, but even surrender and abandon has ceased to hold meaning.

    I can’t expect you to understand, because I don’t understand. He understands. That’s what a “picture” on my Tumblr dashboard said this morning:

    I smiled bitterly at it when I saw it. On any other day, I would’ve cried, moved that He understands. Today, however, I stare at it numbly. My mind begin to entertain a bundle of irreverent thoughts.
    However, the whole of me is still holding on to who I know He is and no matter how distant He seems, no matter how broken this feels, what choice have I? There’s no other recourse befitting of my situation other than to yield to my unyielding God.

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    Joanna Alonzo

    Author/Founder at Almond Tree Publications
    Joanna Alonzo is a walking paradox. She is a beautiful, albeit messy, mixture of thought and emotion, expressed in the form of hopefully readable – and relatable – stories. She is a kingdom kid, who looks forward to being a writer and storyteller even when she reaches heaven. She is passionate about the unreached, about those who have yet to know the Love she found in the arms of the Almighty. She is intrigued by the world and its people, who day by day, continue to convince her that God is the greatest Storyteller of all.
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1 Comment on "Yield"

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moreofathinker
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“No one seems to understand and even as I write this, I am afraid to post it, afraid of being chastised (again) for being too melancholic, too emotional.”

-Though i do not know what exactly you're going through, i do get you here. 🙂 God bless you always.

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